The art of story telling..

There would be days when one doesn't want to stop talking. Occasionally, there would be days when one can't stand anyone who can talk.Problem with people like me who talk incessantly is our silence becomes noiser and unbearable than the talk. But many a times, there would be phases, where one doesn't want to take the onus of being active participant, but listen anything that's being said with utmost attention. It's like standing at the other end of the pitch and letting your partner do all the batting needed. You're around seemingly completing the needed formalities, though in reality you're actually essential to complete. 

In past few days, when I asked few friends of mine to tell me a story very casually, they took to the task and ended up with some amazing stuff. Knowing them, I was very sure of the time we were going to have. To my own surprise, these people have made stories on the spur of the moment with rib tickling comedy, which lets me forget that something inside me is aching. The bad listener that I'm, I keep poking them for details or clarifications and that is what actually makes them build the story. As S puts it, "The specialty of her story agency is that the stories are build from the questions posed."

I was bloody curious as to how these people would end their respective stories. S has taken a literal KJo kinda story to RGV's Sarkar range of end. It was a triangular love story, with the three involved having backdrops of regional divisions of Andhra Pradesh. V's story ended in the safest way as all fantasies would - by waking up!  I'm overwhelmed by the way these people managed to build a story with no prior thought.

Wish I could tell a story like that. Somehow, I end up being an awful story teller time and again! I can never properly tell a story. May be, I'll have to pull a leaf out of these amazing story tellers' books and try getting better at making stories and telling them.

Thank you, S and V! :) You guys rock! :P 

Missing you, Randy!

That sounds awfully crazy to my own ears, but for the past few days, I've been missing Randy big way! It is such a weird feeling that I miss a person (yes, I'm missing him) whom I know only through a couple of youtube videos and a book. It gets extraordinarily ridiculous that I choose to miss him, despite having a chance to revisit the book or videos.

Still.. I miss him!And as when missing somebody, I want to recollect and memorize what he had to say and how I heard them all. That's the greatest part of missing, you don't simply miss them, you remind yourself of every single detail of them, dwell in those moments, revisit all those memories and relive the associated feelings, and it is then you miss them. Which is exactly my way with Randy too.

He taught me head fake. Or better put, he taught me that I've been through many a head fakes. Shrugging off modesty yes, I do have a sense of vanity that I hardly miss my lessons. I've an understanding of what I learn. But there were bigger lessons, that only he could teach me. They made sense only because they were from him.

He is full of cliches. "Cliche" - that's the word that's been  making rounds in my head, which also made me realize that I've been missing Randy. Cliches.. cliches!

Then he said so much about emotional insurance. He probably told to do that one's own people. I'm now struggling either to know who is "own" or how one should be "owned". I'm confused about my question too.

"Somehow, with the passage of time, and the deadlines that life imposes, surrendering became the right thing to do." - This was the quote that introduced Randy to me. What can be termed as the first sight! And the immediate reaction to it was, "Pathetic!". Somehow, I couldn't leave it there, the curiosity increased and I did get his point when I read through the book.


But I was introduced to another quote off late, "there is magic in fighting beyond endurance". I wanna choose between surrendering and fighting! How? Wish Randy was here. Probably, I don't miss him. I need him, may be!

"Live in the moment! Time is all you have. And you may find one day that you have less than you think." - I was okay with it so far. Now, looks like I've become much greedier with time. I don't want more of it, all I'm wanting is every moment blow up to seem like an eternity. It needn't be eternal, it just got to seem so. I want to get away from the knowledge that moment is momentary!

Amidst the chaos, I keep missing Randy though! For he is the one who lets me stick through it.

A spectator's view

Last week when Roger was playing that incredulous match against Roddick, there was special focus on Merka, his gal for obvious reasons. She's the one behind the man has never been a secret. He performs right in front of numerous audience, including her. Everyone watch Roger, she examines him. Most observe him, she reads him. Few analyze his moves, she knows them even before he makes them.

Being his family and professional help, she takes the most comfortable seat to watch him performing. Look at the picture and what seems is:  The guy struggling on the court to get through and this lady seated cozily enjoying the match along with millions of fans, she being one of them. It's fun, amazing fun. The roller coaster ride from winning moments to losing ones as a fan. That is all! Is it?

A spectator! Just a spectator?

Superficial observations and callous thinking! She's actually fastened to that chair, there might be numerous occasions where she would love to run onto the court to help him.  She has her mouth sealed though the voice within is struggling to put across a message. She's as excited and as nervous as him. She has definitely got more butterflies in her tummy. She's like the one who knows the way, knows how to drive, yet has to leave the steering to him. She's like the mother who lets her child fall down, to see him stand on his own. She isn't playing on center court, still she's the one who is playing without her presence on the court.

I know, all this is would be very easily rubbished off. It's just the ill-effect of my deep-thinking syndrome. "Roger plays - she watches" is all! "Roger plays - she experiences" is overstatement! Exaggeration! Why? Another cliche to the rescue, "Seeing is believing". Sigh!

People think in binary numbers, these days!

There is sun, there is rain! What about those hours when it is neither sunny nor it is raining. Clouded, wind blowing into face and the humidity suffocating, what is it? Sun or rain?

Laugh and cry! Simple! What about those moments when a simple pleasure turns as smile, widens a bit before tears start from nowhere. Or what about those smiles that are hard to hid, when the tears are still streaming?

There is my pain and your pain! Oh yeah, your  and mine. We're two individuals - you and I. Logically, its your pain and my pain. And brooding over why my pain disturbs you or why is that I'm weakend by your pain is mere time waste. It's your pain, you've all the rights over it! I'm permitted only to the gallery of your laughter. 
 
There is life, there is death! Person talked about in terms of  "is" or "was"! You might brush with death, if you're drowning. Be on the shore as a spectator and let yourself watch your loved one struggling to stay afloat! Fun, I tell you. That is the fun. Because, it won't kill you! It just doesn't let you live. Its worse than death, but yeah you'll be counted among the living. And also, it will not be counted as your pain.

Being a spectator with hands and legs fastened with limitations, eyes wide open, heart crying out whereas the tongue's tied, you're mind at work understanding every single detail - this is fun. Fun as in stopping oxygen to me every few seconds, as in stretching my heart's chord and leave it ruthlessly, as in ..If all this was scripted, I wanna murder him for being so cruel, to ever create this spectator's role!

If life is a drama, why I'm forced to witness others' drama without any key role in it? Why my role is so damn limited, that I start feeling helpless, ridiculous and what not? It's not my drama, why am I even there? 

I hate love.

Rose Walker

 

Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...
You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

in Sandman: The Kindly Ones by Neil Gaiman

"Unbelievable" - Script by Roger Federer.

If last year's Wimbledon final was termed epic, I don't know what to call this year's. I should either be as tedious as the Star Sports commentators or stick with a single word, say Fed's "Unbelievable". Ask him his name tonight and he might end up saying, "My name.. aah.. Unbelievable Federer!"

Roger's the Champ! Roger's the No.1! Roger's the one who made history! Roger ROCKS!

But what a resurgent Roddick on Center Court today! He was immaculate until that very last moment and has thoroughly impressed me. If asked to introduce Roddick, I'd just say, "a super talent, except when against Fed." And today, he has proved that to be wrong. I knew all through the way, that if one is giving up tonight that would be Andy. What a show he has put up before messing it! I'm spell bound by his game.

Thankfully Fed had the last laugh! Being his fan, I'm all too tempted to see opponents going down without a fight. Being his fan, I love to see him dictating terms, make them play to his script. That said, there's altogether a different fun when people like Nadal or Roddick give him some tough competition. I'm mesmerized enough to regard him as "God!", but with these guys around he seems more human. He commits more errors getting the better of them. He trembles and fumbles, still holds his nerve. He goes through a sea of torment, remains cool and composed. He becomes vulnerable, yet he emerges victorious. He lets me celebrate the human spirit. He strengthens that spirit in me. What an inspiration he is!

Thank you Fed! Thank you Roddick! Keep rocking!

Finding me in others' words

Ever since my childhood, I had great interest in collecting quotes, randomly without any order, not on any one subject. In the early days it was more kind of knowledge gathering or good-words-to-be-followed. Years later, I'm equally enthralled every single time I happen to know a quote. What is enthralling is having a fair bit of understanding of self, I kind of find myself in these quotes. Otherwise, what I'm currently doing has been approved by these stalwarts. The two writers I was googling tonight: Kierkegaard and Steinbeck, who were strangers half an hour ago.

Once you label me you negate me. - Soren Kierkegaard

I've been struggling to fill in the "about me" texts here and there. This comes as a perfect rescue for me. Only problem is that it's too straight and too simple, whereas the following is more apt to my style.

People understand me so poorly that they don't even understand my complaint about them not understanding me. - Soren Kierkegaard

Rib-tickling! So far, I was inclined on making people understand that it's not easy to understand me. Now, I've got a new way, a funnier way - complaining can get funny too.

And here's another case. You open up to people, speak your mind intelligible manner and yet, people come up with opaque and weird theories, trying to give solution even while there is no problem first place.

I feel as if I were a piece in a game of chess, when my opponent says of it: That piece cannot be moved. - Soren Kierkegaard

Not the fault of the pawn there. Not that it's dull and ineffectual. It has to abide by the rule. What if rules are self-imposed? Aren't rules, rules for a boss? :P

A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us. - John Steinbeck

How true! Trip.. go round and round and round and round! Enjoyyyy! It's fun, I bet! When it ends, it doesn't even matter.

It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it. John Steinbeck

Was someone spying my ways of life? A good night's sleep can put any trouble away. Or rather, it works other way round as well for me. Whenever it becomes very difficult to make a choice, when the consequences of doing and not doing are almost balanced that I can't lean towards one, that is when sleep comes to my rescue. Consciously I might be struggling, but sub-consciously I know what I really want to do.

I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it - you will regret both. - Soren Kierkegaard

I'm loving it! You regret it either ways, better regret what you've done. Not doing and then regretting is like worse than the worst.

can't-be-read as well please..

You've set up a meeting with a person, you make it and then you walk away mid-way through it. Sounds rude?

You've set up a meeting with a person (well known or otherwise), you make it. It starts off well, both of you seem interested in one another, but as it goes on the charm lessens, you feel the void, you need to force yourself to move on and then comes a time to call it quits. And then you walk away mid-way through, with or without a proper bye. Sounds reasonable?

This is exactly what happens to me with some of the books. Though every single book I spend time with is carefully chosen only after knowingly it in all ways possible, there at times harsh realizations that they don't suit me. We just can't get along. When it comes to forcing out things upon self or others, I'm miserable. It isn't the book that's at fault, it is my inability - yet, at that point both of us can't be together. So, there are fair enough books that can't-be-read by me.

These book-management software(s) which I heavily rely upon (at least to handle my "to-be-read" shelf) put me in a spot of bother. As it is, my current-reading shelf would always be loaded and added to that, I can't decide where to put these abandoned books. I read them, even if that's with inattention. I've been with them, though not cherished all along. I left them middle, yet I know them in parts. How dearly do I wish there is a category, "couldn't complete", "can't-be-read" or "dumped"!

May be, not many face this problem, only people like me who're impossibly demanding!

(Explored goodreads.com today, too early to comment!)